gasp

I got a job. A real one, as in, I am earning a LIVING for myself. It is incredibly triumphant, yet moderately depressing. So long ago seem the sweet and sinful days of my youth. Now, I am behind a desk from 8:30AM-5:30PM writing, writing, WRITING about sports and outdoor products. I...don't know what to do. First things first, I am absolutely elated to be employed, with an income, and a purpose for the day. I will have a paycheck and a damn reputable thing to say to relatives the next time the encounter arises. And let's face it, I get to walk throughout the downtown web of streets with the rest of my kind, as one of the youngest of the crop, in smart casual clothing and an air of promise. But there are downsides, and I see many of them at this early stage. I miss my runs, my reading and writing leisure, the sunlight. Sitting indoors for nine hours each day with minimal discussion (it is a copywriting firm, thus everyone keeps to themselves at their respective desks, silently) makes me gasp for noise when I leave the gorgeously ornate building where I am located. If I only give it time, it will get all the more normal. And rewarding. There are many contradictions I now so face.

Perhaps what I am enjoying the most is being young and in the workforce in my downtown city. I have always found it a perfectly good place to have grown up because of the seasonal climate, city and rural settings, and truly hundreds of other worthwhile attributes that I have loved from my youth into early adulthood. My city is at the most prosperous point I have ever seen her in, with astounding architectural erections, renovations, and job creation that city officials have a right to be proud of. They all equally have a goal for the young talent remain here, and I feel perhaps worthy to do so and that I am be contributing to the good of it all in my semi-narcissistic way. I'm happy with that. Very. I also have another job: a small retail position to give my PR two cents on clothing sales during the weekends. So...I am busy. There is a lot of adjusting to do, and if I know myself at all, I will do so quickly. It's just a little bittersweet. As a student, the next year of my life was always guaranteed and always certain with a set place for me to fall up into. Not anymore. I could get fired tomorrow and be unemployed again. The firm could go bankrupt for all I know, and I would be pleased as punch to be sent to Dunkin' Donuts. I suppose it is the monotony I fear; doing the same thing all day every day and not having much control over changing it. And don't you dare tell me that I have control over my attitude and can in fact change the way I perceive things. I know. I will...it's just...(for lack of a better word) transitional.


D.C.